I roared the monsters anthem from my bed in the lowest most growling voice I could conjure. My package of blessings from a divine and ultimately kind universe also known as four year old Kyra, the grand daughter I never knew I needed until she showed up, came tip toeing down the hallway to see what monster lies under my comforter. She peaked around the corner of my doorway only to hear the growl grow louder and to see me sitting up in bed looking as if a trance had come over me.
She ran. Her blonde hair messy from sleep trailed behind her as she bolted naked toward the kitchen yelling; “Mom, the Fee Fi Fo Fum monster is back and she needs coffee!” Seconds later I heard the rattle of a coffee cup balanced on a saucer in the hands of my love as she made her way back to me. She braved that monster and slid the saucer into the pink grasp of fingers clutching toward her. Sipping loudly as if through a sliced straw I drank. Then as my monster’s spell broke I said sweetly; “Oh thank you honey. How did you know I wanted coffee?” She shifted on her plump feet, neatly trimmed nails painted pink with little yellow flowers, and said in her powerful yet way up high voice; “It happened again. You were the Fee Fi Fo Fum monster.” I issued my apologies and drank up the best cup of coffee on Earth.
This is one of our many happy rituals. I think these games move us along through our changes to tell us everything must be okay because no matter what happens we have this.
One day when Kyra no longer wants to be a part of the Fee Fi Fo Fum ritual with her adorable little self clanking down the hallway, saucer and cup rattling, I’ll have to invent a new ritual. But I’ll miss the old one. I’ll miss the old her and the old me. Just the way I miss all the old phases of me and my children and now my grand daughter. But the more the longing the greater the love.
My goal is to treasure what we have now while looking forward to what comes next. My goal is to do that most impossible of missions–to actually be present in the moment which exists. For this tick in time it is Fee Fi Fo Fum. Tomorrow I do not know what it will be but I am certain whatever ritual we invent it will cover us up in laughter and love and we will take its comfort as dear as we have every intimate little daily thing.
Sometimes it’s the reality you could never plan, the game that comes from some ad libbed part of yourself that knows what to do which stitches your life together and that is what really keeps us warm.