I have one wish. I want to look good naked.
It’s cheating to look good in clothes. Anyone can find something that flatters this and hides that. Add a touch of color and walk with some swagger and that’s the ticket. But naked–that’s the real deal. I cannot fake anything in my skin with its various dings and scratches. There is no way to stand that makes it all work. It’s just me, my naked self and a mirror which refuses to lie. Clearly some kind of marketing professional has to up team with an inventor and create the “everyone looks good naked mirror” but until that day I’m stuck with the starkest of realities. I have some work ahead of me.
Add to this a whole new thing I was not aware of–a shocking number of women look terrific in the buff. It’s almost a shame for them to put their clothes on and hide all that Greek Goddessness under their flannels and boots. As you might guess from that comment I don’t live in Malibu where looking bad naked is probably against a city ordinance- I’m in Oregon where women use nail polish to touch up their truck bumpers and dressing up means the boots without the mud. These ladies aren’t even trying.
I’m starting to see what men are all a twitter about with the feminine form. Until I joined the Y which is not like my former swanky gym with private shower stalls I had never really seen another woman naked but my mom and that doesn’t count. How would it come up? I don’t swim at nude beaches, if I run or hike I come home for a shower. My friends don’t come over for pasta and sit naked at the table and I don’t work in an industry where taking ones clothes off is practical or advisable and in the sauna we have white towels. Nope, until this latest attempt at fitness I had no idea where I fit on the looking good naked scale. Now I do. Bummer.
So what am I to do? I’ve most certainly doubled up on those ab machines, I’ve got the treadmill so high on the hill scale I have to run just not to fall off and I’m turning up the resistance volume on every machine until at one point I wondered if my arm could just rip right off. I’ve even cut back on food (bye-bye sourdough bread-you have no idea how much I long for you) and I drink so much water there’s no room for wine. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
Yet quite by surprise it seems I’m enjoying having a goal and trying to reach it. I even think I will get to the satisfied level of naked. So that part is really good. What’s not good is how little I know about my fellow human females. I have talked with them for hours, read their books, watched their movies, taken their math and science classes and worked for them but what am I missing? I have so many women I love yet when it comes to the day in day out of being a woman (who is not me) I don’t know jack. I don’t even know what they look like naked.
I have vague ideas about their other relationships and home life and a sense of what they enjoy but the real stuff is secret. I don’t know who sings and dances in her car, I don’t know who really cooks or who gets take out, I don’t know on a weekly basis how many times she cries, what her physical challenges and feelings are or even if she’s happy with how her life has turned out so far.
So my women friends-get ready. I am not going to stop by and ask you to step out of your clothes so I can get to know you-although that would certainly provide some information about how you feel about yourself. But I am going to start asking you if you are happy today, if you are being treated kindly, if you’ve eaten or had a minute to yourself and I might ask if you feel loved and if you’re glad about how your life is going. I might ask for the whole truth of your most intimate relationships because those are the ones that need to be spectacular–they need to be the people I could ask about you and they would know if you sing in your car or worry about how you look naked.
So when I started I said I had one wish. Actually I have two: I still want to look good naked and I want to get to know other women because, guys you were right about one thing, women are pretty amazing and worth the time to really know.