The Angry Onion; Matchmaking’s First Candidate

Let the matchmaking begin!

For those joining us in progress, first we began with what seemed like good love gone wrong and my self confessed outburst of throwing an onion in the trash and proclaiming, “fu*k it” upon discovering my guy who taught me to begin to saute an onion when I’m not sure what to cook proclaimed he was not ready for a relationship. Cooking for one, hoping to cook for two became cooking for no one. I lost my appetite and wrote our first episode “The Angry Onion”. I wrote a second asking for your feedback on why I may be so hopeless in these matters. I got several responses, all true, thank you. Then I retained the services of a Matchmaker who, (wait for it) happens to be my daughter.

Now you are fully up to date. The Matchmaker is working over time. Here are the things she’s already done:

  • Created my bio
  • Placed it on carefully targeted websites which she feels best match my values
  • Drafted an introductory letter explaining her role
  • Corresponded with several
  • Created one meeting so far where she will screen candidates
  • Arranged for my personal make over

I have done exactly nothing. This is totally working out. The trick is to have total faith in the process, which I do. Who knows me better or wants me to be happier than my own child?

Of course I’m curious. I’d love to see my bio data or what she wrote about me but that is not how arranged relationships work. I have decided to use the model they use in India and certain Jewish communities where you trust your matchmaker, entirely. I look at it this way: I have final say, I don’t know what I’m doing and she is more likely to act in my interest than I am.

She’s already ruled out the guy who sent a picture of himself shirtless in his 1990 Camero with his hair slicked back and a marine tattoo on his chest. Well done. She’s also already nixed omnivores, (sorry burger loving folk but while your gobbling up your fav in front of the game I’m calculating the c02 emissions) and if the letter sent back to her has too many grammatical errors it may also make its way to the delete file.

She’s tough. That’s one of the many reasons she is a perfect matchmaker for me.

Here’s another; if a person in my life cannot love my daughter, son and grand daughter plus grand son on the way-it won’t work. I have a fairly small orbit of family and friends and these people are with me until the end, period. It’s not negotiable. So if she finds someone who is respectful enough to go through a process, who likes her–well then, I’ll probably like him.

I also enjoy this because it gives she and I a project to work on together. It switches roles and lets her know how much I love, respect and trust her.

Cultures around the world have matchmakers and arranged marriages and many of them work. They work because the parties involved are serious about having a relationship, because family members know us better than we know ourselves and because it takes a certain level of humility to submit to a process. I think Americans can learn from this. I know I can.

Tomorrow I will be meeting with a woman who will have hot wax and hair color. My daughter has saved pictures on her phone to submit for my new look. She did not have to show me, but she did. They are perfect.




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